He Knew
by Still My Heart
Summary: The final battle is over, Voldemort has been defeated, and Hermione faces the loss of the one she loves the most. Rated M for general angst.


A/N: This is a rather depressing story. I'll just tell you that right now. It involves character death. It's sad. It's angsty. But I really like it. Again, this is not a happy story. Read at your own risk.

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Hermione Granger sat on the shore of the lake, her legs crossed and her hands, clasped loosely around her wand, resting in her lap. She could feel blood drying on the left side of her face, and more trickled from the gash at her hairline, but she made no move to wipe it away. There was another cut on her bottom lip, one on her right cheek, and a bigger one on her right forearm. Her body ached, longing for sleep, but she ignored it, her gaze fixed on the calm, black water of the lake.

The battle was over. Harry had triumphed, though barely. He had been taken, unconscious, to St. Mungo's, but Hermione was sure he would be okay.

She'd seen Ron leave a short while ago, a sobbing Ginny cradled in his arms. Their brothers Charlie and Percy had both died in the battle, and Hermione's heart ached as she thought of them now.

Now, though, she felt mostly numb. She had watched several of her friends die, but her brain hadn't quite processed it all, and so she sat alone on the lakeshore, waiting.

Before the battle had begun, before they'd been separated, her fiancé, Severus Snape, had told her that he would meet her here when it was over and she knew he would come. They planned to marry when the war was over, and now that the end had arrived, they could begin their lives.

Hermione absently touched the ring on her left hand, feeling the precise edges of the diamond and the smoothness of the white gold; her thoughts shifted back to Severus and she wondered what was taking him so long.

Almost as if on cue there were footsteps behind Hermione. She turned, smiling and starting to stand, but faltered.

"Oh. Hi, Remus," she said, her disappointment evident in both her voice and the look on her face.

"Hello, Hermione," Remus Lupin replied softly. "I need you to come with me."

Hermione shook her head, turning back to the lake. "I can't, I'm waiting for Severus."

"I know you are. Please come with me."

Hermione frowned and looked back at Remus.

"Please, Hermione."

"But Severus-"

"He's not coming," Remus interrupted firmly, but softly. "Please come with me," he said again, holding out his hand.

Still frowning, Hermione allowed Remus to help her up and followed him as he started across the grounds.

They rounded a corner of the castle and the front of Hogwarts came into view, flooded with light. The covered bodies of the dead were lined up on the grass and Hermione's stomach twisted.

"Remus, why..." Hermione started as they drew closer to the bodies. As they approached a sheet-covered body Remus gave a short nod to the man standing guard nearby. The man, whom Hermione did not recognize, returned the action and moved away to give them some privacy.

Remus turned to Hermione now, his expression pained.

"Hermione, I'm sorry."

Hermione was already shaking her head, disbelief etched in her features.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione... Severus is dead."

Hermione cast a horrified glance down at the covered form next to them and looked back at Remus.

"No," she whispered. "He can't be."

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered again.

Hermione dropped to her knees and after a moment's hesitation, reached out and grabbed the edge of the sheet, slowly pulling it back.

She gasped, rocking back and sitting on her legs, raising her hand to her mouth.

She stared at the lifeless body of her fiancé before she leaned forward again and extended a trembling hand towards Severus's face. Her fingertips lightly brushed his forehead and she drew back quickly; with a shaky breath Hermione reached forward again and brushed Severus's hair from his forehead, then rested her hand on his cheek; she uttered a soft cry as she felt how cold his skin was already.

Tears spilled from her eyes as she gazed at his face; his face held the same expression it did when he slept – the harshness of his features never truly disappeared but in slumber, and now in death, it was softer.

Hermione moved her hand to his chest, feeling blood on his shoulder, cold and sticky.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Hermione leaned down and rested her head on Severus's chest, over his heart, her knees sliding sideways so she now rested on her hip.

"Severus," she whispered, her hand clutching his robes. Something welled inside of her and she tried to swallow against it, but it escaped in a loud sob.

"Oh, God," she cried. "Severus, come back, please."

The last word ended in a wail and Remus winced, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. He'd never thought he'd hear that sound from anyone, especially not someone as strong as Hermione.

Hermione gasped, her tears escaping fast and hard.

"Severus, you can't leave me like this!" she sobbed, banging her first half-heartedly against his stomach.

Remus looked up at the Auror coming back over. The man looked uncomfortable, but Remus knew what he wanted.

Sighing, wiping any errant tears from his cheeks, he knelt down, gently taking hold of Hermione's arms.

"Hermione, come on," he said softly. "They have to take him."

After a moment Hermione allowed Remus to pull her to her feet. She stood silently for a moment, then suddenly turned toward Remus, anger twisting her features.

"You hated him!" she shrieked. "You all hated him!"

Remus stared at Hermione, bewildered.

"You all hated him and he knew that and he wouldn't have cared, he didn't care, but he knew that you all thought he wasn't good enough for me and he wanted to prove to you that he was, he had to _prove_ it!" Hermione was crying again, bordering on hysteria, and Remus reached for her.

"No, don't touch me!" she cried shrilly, slapping Remus's hands away.

"He wouldn't have even _come_ here tonight but he thought he had to prove his worth, not for himself because he didn't _care_, but for me. He knew how much you all mean to me and he didn't want to be the reason for you to distance yourselves from me, but he loved me and so he tried, he _tried_ to prove that he was good enough."

Hermione stopped speaking, taking a heavy breath and raking her fingers through her hair.

"He loved me, and we were going to be married when this was all over, and now he's _gone_!" Hermione wailed.

Remus reached hesitantly for her again and she didn't resist him this time, her body sagging, her legs unable to support her anymore and together she and Remus sank to the ground.br Remus held her tightly as she cried, her body wracked with sobs. She cried so hard that she gagged and vomited on the grass. Worry gripped Remus as he rubbed her back, pulling her hair away from her face. The lights from Hogwarts seemed to have dimmed as the sun had begun to rise, the world around fading into a diffused grey color.

"Hermione, come on," he whispered. "We need to get you to the hospital."

Hermione didn't respond and Remus stood slowly, bringing her up with him. Her legs still refused to support her and Remus picked her up, cradling her in his arms.

She had grown very quiet now, hiding her face against Remus's chest, her hand clutching his robes, and he carried her down the drive to the gates.

They sedated her at St. Mungo's, although Remus figured she didn't need it now. She stayed in the hospital for two days while her injuries healed. All the while she didn't say a word, just stared into space, absently twisting her engagement ring around her finger.

Her parents came for her and Remus watched them leave, Mr. and Mrs. Granger looking pained at their daughter's catatonic grief.

They took her home, helped her settle back into her old room. Her mother took time off from work to stay home with her, but Hermione remained as unresponsive as ever.

Mrs. Granger sat on the back porch with her daughter the day after they brought her home, watching as she stared listlessly at the yard.

"Darling," Mrs. Granger said gently, laying a hand on Hermione's arm. "I know you miss him and that's... that's understandable. But, honey, we miss you." Mrs. Granger's voice broke as she watched Hermione. "Your father and I are here whenever you're ready to talk."

Mrs. Granger looked away, swiping at the tears on her cheeks, then looked back at Hermione as she heard her sniff.

Hermione blinked, tears coursing down her cheeks, and looked at her mother.

"I don't know what to do, Mum," she whispered. "I just miss him so much."

"I know you do, baby," Mrs. Granger said, taking Hermione into her arms.

"I wish you could make the pain go away," Hermione murmured, her voice muffled by her mother's sweater.

"I wish I could too." Mrs. Granger kissed the top of Hermione's head.

"You know what hurts the most?"

"What?"

"I didn't tell him I loved him before we left, before we got separated."

Mrs. Granger frowned, holding Hermione closer.

"He knew, honey."

-----

The funerals began the next day with Charlie's and Percy's. Hermione felt intense heartache every time she looked at Mrs. Weasley, who had to be feeling ten times worse than Hermione, having just lost two of her children.

Hermione sat in the row behind the Weasleys, between her mother and Harry. Her eyes kept drifting to Mrs. Weasley, sitting between her husband and her oldest son, Bill. She could see Mrs. Weasley's shoulders shaking as she cried, her head on Mr. Weasley's shoulder.

Hermione looked away and Harry glanced at her, squeezing her hand.

The rest of the week didn't get any better as they attended the funerals of Parvati Patil, Seamus Finnigan, Ernie MacMillan, and Professors Vector, Sinistra, and Flitwick, and there were still more to come as bodies continued to be claimed.

Severus's funeral was that Saturday and the morning dawned grey and wet.

Hermione dressed, feeling numb as she gazed at her reflection in the mirror. The girl staring back at her was pale, her eyes red-rimmed and slightly puffy.

She sniffed, keeping her tears at bay, and pulled her hair back in a barrette, then grabbed her purse and wand and headed downstairs.

Her parents looked up at her as she entered the kitchen.

"Do you want something to eat before you go?" her mother asked, moving to stand.

"No, thank you. I'm not hungry," Hermione answered softly. She kissed her parents' cheeks and Disapparated with a loud pop.

Harry and Ron stood outside the cemetary gates waiting for Hermione. They each hugged her tightly when she appeared before linking arms with their best friend. Harry took her left arm while Ron embraced her right arm. Together they slowly walked towards the gravesite where the ceremony would take place.

Hermione gasped when she saw the casket, swaying slightly, and the boys tightened their grips on her, steering her into a chair in the front row and sitting on either side of her.

The chairs soon filled and the service began, although Hermione wasn't listening. She couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from the coffin, imagining Severus lying inside in his black dress robes.

She began to breathe heavily through her nose, shutting her eyes, trying not to cry, and both Harry and Ron tightened their holds on her hands. She squeezed back, regaining her composure, and opened her eyes.

The service was soon over and after Hermione had thrown a handful of dirt down into the grave, on top of the coffin, she stood, nodding as people approached her and offered whispered condolences and a few hugs.

When the last person had walked away, Harry and Ron came to her, again linking their arms through hers and leading her away from the grave.

"Come on, Hermione, let's get some lunch," Harry said in a comforting tone of voice.

Hermione started to shake her head.

"You need to eat something," Ron said. "Come on. Lunch. Harry's treat."

Hermione tried to smile, wanted to, but couldn't seem to bring herself to actually do it. She nodded instead.

"Alright."

Thirty minutes later, the three of them were sitting in a small restaurant. Ron had ordered for Hermione when she couldn't choose, but she could only pick at the sandwich when it arrived.

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I'm just not hungry."

"When was the last time you ate?" Harry asked, eyeing Hermione with concern.

"I had some crackers last night-"

"I mean a full meal."

Hermione stared at her plate, thinking. Finally she shrugged.

"I don't know."

"It's been a week now, and you've barely eaten a thing." Harry placed his hand on Hermione's cheek, his thumb brushing the dark circle under her eye. "Haven't been sleeping much either, from the looks of it."

"I can't force myself to feel better," Hermione said flatly, moving her head away from Harry's hand.

"We're not asking you to," Ron said gently. "We just want you to take care of yourself."

Hermione sighed. "I know."

Raising her hand she waved the waiter over and asked if he would box up her lunch for her.

He nodded and took her plate, returning a few minutes with a bag. Hermione thanked him and stood as he walked away.

"Thank you both for trying." She gave Harry and Ron a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you later."

-----

The days passed and the funerals lessened in number; two weeks later they stopped altogether.

As for Hermione, she still missed Severus terribly. The only time she left the house was to go the funerals, and now that they had ended, she couldn't find any reason anymore to leave.

Her mother tried many times to get Hermione to go with her to the store or to run errands, and Hermione always refused.

And then a month after Severus's funeral, Hermione had the urge to dress and visit his grave.

"I'm going to the cemetary," Hermione announced to her mother. Mrs. Granger looked surprised.

"Would you like me to go with you, dear?"

Hermione shook her head as she fastened her cloak.

"I'll be back before dinner at the latest."

Mrs. Granger nodded, smiling slightly, and Hermione Disapparated.

She appeared at the cemetary gates and entered, walking slowly until she reached Severus's grave.

She stared down at the tombstone and slowly sank to the ground in front of the polished stone.

She touched the picture affixed just above the inscription, tears making slow tracks down her cheeks.

"Why did you have to leave me?" she asked, her voice plaintive. "We were going to do so much," she continued in a whisper.

Sighing, she sagged against the headstone, closing her eyes.

A moment later she sensed someone standing nearby, watching her, and she turned.

"Severus?" she whispered, hardly daring to believe her eyes.

"Almost."

Hermione stood and took a step towards Severus.

"You fell asleep," he said, and Hermione turned, seeing her own sleeping form leaning against the tombstone. She turned back to Severus and stepped right up to him.

"Why... how...?"

"I needed to talk to you," he said, taking her hands in his. Hermione took in a sharp breath at the familiarity of the touch and threw her arms around Severus, holding him tightly.

"I miss you so much," she whispered.

"I miss you, too," Severus replied softly, kissing the top of her head. They were silent a moment before Severus spoke again.

"Hermione, I need you to do something for me."

Hermione frowned, pulling back to look up at Severus.

"What?"

"I need you to move on. Not right away, because I know it's hard. But you need to live your life."

"It's so hard without you," Hermione said softly, looking down.

"I know. But my time is up, and yours is just beginning. Don't throw your life away to live on memories." Severus gazed at Hermione, placing his hands on her cheeks; he wasn't smiling, but had the sort of look he only gave Hermione, one of mild exasperation mixed with love.

"One day you'll take this off," Severus continued, moving a hand down to caress the engagement ring, "and when you do, you'll be ready."

"I love you," Hermione said. "I should've told you before we went into battle, before we got separated-"

"I knew. I've always known."

Hermione smiled, tears once again steaming down her cheeks.

"I love you," Severus murmured and kissed Hermione, one final kiss. And then he was gone.

Hermione woke with a start, sitting upright. She looked up quickly to where Severus had stood but there was no one there.

Sighing, Hermione stood, brushing her cloak off.

The kiss had felt so real. She could almost taste him, but that was impossible, wasn't it?

Hearing someone call her name, Hermione turned and saw Ginny Weasley walking towards her. Ginny pointed wordlessly in the direction of her brothers' graves when Hermione frowned curiously at her, indicating that she too had been visiting. The girls embraced and set off down the drive together.

"How's your mum?" Hermione asked. Ginny shrugged, her hands in her pockets.

"She still cries a lot. She's taken to telling us she loves us everyday." Ginny's expression tugged at Hermione's heartstrings. The girl looked both lost and forlorn at the same time.

"And how are you?"

"I miss them a lot. I've been having trouble sleeping some nights."

"I think we all are," Hermione murmured.

"What about you?"

"It's hard without him. You never realize how much you can miss someone until they're taken away from you forever."

Ginny nodded.

Hermione shivered, clenching her cloak tightly around her body as they strolled. "I didn't even get the chance to tell him how much I loved him before…" Her voice trailed off as fresh tears constricted her throat. She looked up at the heavy grey sky, taking a shuddering breath. "But he knew."

Hermione looked over at Ginny now. "Charlie and Percy knew too."

Ginny nodded, smiling at Hermione in a benevolent sort of way, her eyes shining with tears. Hermione smiled back, her first in over a month, and the girls left the cemetary.


End file.
